This is the first in the series of quick writes about what I’m calling “Your Confidence Slip is Hanging.”
I grew up in a generation where you wore slips. A slip is an undergarment similar to a skirt but made out of material like silk or something like that, and the purpose was to make sure your stuff wasn’t showing through your dress or your skirt when you’re out in public. So, it was common for us to say to somebody, “your slip is hanging”. It was sort of an embarrassing thing to have your slip hanging because back in the day, it indicated that either you didn’t know how to dress, or maybe you had on a cheap half-slip that was creeping down, so it kind of said something about you, you know?
So, you may not know that I have written a book on confidence, and since then, I’ve been thinking about behaviors that indicate when our confidence, or should I say our lack of confidence slip is showing.
These are “tells” that sometimes we are not even aware of. However, when we know which slip is showing, we can transform our thinking and habits, thus transforming our confidence levels. So, I’m going to begin reflecting on one close to my top layer of skin. Overthinking.
Khalil Gibran said “our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future but from wanting to control it.”
We’ve all witnessed or experienced being someone who wants to control everything. And very often, the desire to control leads us to overthink just about everything.
I decided to start writing about overthinking because sometimes, y’all, my overthinking confidence slip be showing!
Did I mention that I’ve written a book? Bet you didn’t know that book was three years in the making. And even now, I find that I have had to let go of my book being perfect. Oops! Is my perfectionism slip showing? Anyway, my own experiences have shown me that overthinking sometimes causes me to become not just stagnant but paralyzed. It literally keeps me from fully committing to something that I absolutely, positively want to do. It comes from thinking about what other people say or what they may say. For instance, it took me a while to tell people that I had started my own business because I didn’t want to hear the “girl you leaving that good government job to be an entrepreneur and you gonna struggle, and you know black people don’t do stuff like that…” I’m sure you’ve heard it all. In fact, I didn’t fully commit to my business until I almost lost it. (How’s that for transparency?) I think I wanted to take calculated
(overthought) steps. I wanted everything to look good and be right. From the beginning!
I’m over that now. If I’m going to live my life to the fullest, I don’t have time to be overthinking and wondering what other people are thinking. And nor do you. So, pull the freaking trigger. Quit talking about stepping out on faith and step. Do the thing you want to do. What’s the worst that could happen? You could maybe lose some money, or maybe lose some time, or maybe lose some friends, or maybe lose a bit of your hair, but think about this… You will not fail if you are willing to commit to yourself and learn from your experiences. You are not going to fail if you are willing to realize that you are not in control, baby. Ignore all those people who may have been putting negative thoughts about who you are in your head. Child, go ahead and grab your power, be your magic self, and stop overthinking.
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